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Journaling

Ramble. July 28. 2024

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Tired for the past couple of days… Not sure why… But I am getting by just fine. As my apartment is spotless and kitchen is full of food. Spending much time browsing online, chatting and digital window shopping… Talking to my friends… Some are doing well and others are not.

Therefor I am thankful for creators… or universes bountiful blessings bestowed upon my life. I think of all I have to be thankful for on more than a daily basis. I do my best to help and create good in the world. Perhaps good karma… Also many people have helped me along the way and sometimes… Its just your turn to help.

I wish there was more I could do but I have many obstacles currently. I have spoken on some of them before. But I have basically chosen sobriety and solitude over everything in life.

Thank you for serenity, bountifulness, sobriety and peace.

About me, Journaling

December 3rd Journal

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451 days Sober. I arise…

5 am and all is silent. I take a puff from my vape… exhale… put it down and open wordpress and place my hands on the keyboard… Now I’m here and what does here bring? I dont remember my dreams, so theres no getting into that with you. I feel rather drowsy, tired, and uninspired. But I vow to type anyways. Life has its ups and downs and as the coffee kicks in I feel the positivity of my own life. Blessed with many things and surviving just fine. Today is all we really have. I’m thankful to be here.

I feel free. Everything is at my fingertips. And the earth under my feet is mine. So I walk. And this is where I want to be. Rain pours down and it is the most calming sound on earth. Thank you for the rain… As my walk ends my phone dies walking up the steps to my apartment and I think this is perfectly meant to be…

It is now 6 am and I am back at my computer desk. Back at WordPress. The junkie inside me is telling me I want dopamine… I want adrenaline. And I will give in soon enough. But it wont be with alcohol. It is a natural high that I seek. Runners high or freezing showers. My anxiety meds. I suppose they are a narcotic… But life is simply not livable without them. I simply want to get high.

I hope I do.

-Nina

About me, Journaling

December 1st.

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I’m in the new crib as the rain pours at 3 am… Drinking an energy drink and vaping away. So very peaceful… Life feels very kind to me lately and I am gifted many blessings. I am thankful for this… I am still sober, doing art and doing just fine. The ongoing sobriety brings financial prosperity and much peace to go along with it… Also; A healthy body and mind.

I have many goals to achieve but time remains on my side. It would be nice to own a vehicle to travel the province is one of them. Other goals focus on physical and mental well being. Art, poetry and other forms of expression are not goals but I hope to continue creating for the sake of creating. Thankful for all…

I would like to return to a very minimalist lifestyle and this will take patience and perseverance. All things do really I suppose. Its the simple fact upon opening my moving boxes the realization of over-accumulating. And a remembrance of a more simple lifestyle, sometimes less is more!

Thank you Universe for everything.

Nina

About me, Stories

Returning

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There’s something strange about returning to WordPress.

It had brought me so much peace. I had originally created this site living in a homeless shelter and planned to document my life living on the streets… I’m not sure how long exactly I was homeless at the time. Maybe 6 months or so… But I prevailed. From living in different shelters. To eventually buying an RV. To eventually getting a housing subsidy and renting the perfect suite. Then I had a home…

I would drink a lot during my years there but blogging was always there. I would wake up hungover and immediately go to WordPress and found so much joy in making and sharing blog posts. I truly loved it. And now I miss the feeling of it; I miss the satisfying post button… It was especially nice to be posting from my own home. Not the coffee shop WiFi next to the shelter, Or my girlfriend’s house.

On WordPress you create your own little archived world. It can truly be a beautiful thing. To profess what you go through and what you stand for and what you’d like to create. I want to return… So I guess I’m back.

About me

An about me moment…

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For those who don’t know me… Im 31 years old

Im a trans girl. Living in Vancouver Canada

And my name. Is Nina.

I believe in the dhamma of Budda.

My story is too complex to tell, or… perhaps is now is not the time but maybe one day I’ll be able to share with you my all…. but for now my poetry will have to do.

Some of the things that I can tell you however… I most certainly will… I still have a love for hip hop www.youtube.com/user/innashademusic

I have done a couple little things in the past few months but nothing serious

Poetry which you will always find here I have no other place for it…

I do some modeling and art on Instagram:

www.instagram.com/suspectnina

And if you truly desire to befriend me my facebook link is

https://www.facebook.com/nina.cassie.vestergaard

Today as the rain pours in my city wordpress is a refuge from the cold and damp of a city half boarded up and covered in street art. I had recently left town and when I finally returned looking over Vancouver I remember why I love this place so much. Its a magic place…

I love Vancouver street photography…. One of my friends takes a lot I wonder if he has a website… Uno momento… Found it!

https://www.instagram.com/aspiringmedia/

Oh heres one more….

More of a Vancouver Graffiti link… Im obsessed with graff and streetart and this guy takes (the best shots)

https://www.instagram.com/craige13/?hl=en

Since I transitioned many years ago my life has substancially improved. Although I end up moving from place to place I am always in balance with what it is to live in such a way. Every good and bad… simply another opportunity. It is what it is.

I came here to rant a little about myself and I think thats good for now.

Thanks for stopping by!

 

About me, Love

New… About me

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Through my weary eyes, I type. It is 5 am as the sun begins to rise on my side of this planet. My wife lay asleep while candles flicker throughout the house. Traditional Japanese music softly plays from the television. I don’t know why I’m writing but I do it regardless.

It’s been a very long time since I have been blogging and a lot has changed. I’m married with a step son now. And I’m sober for the first time in my life. To be honest I’ve never felt better. I am on a path; this path is beautiful.

And as I write the sun continues to rise and the music continues to play and time is slipping away into next and the best thing I can do is simply view it.

I’ve always counted my blessings. Abundant. Thankful.

There’s too much beauty in this world to waste any time in my personal opinion. So I practice love. Through various ways and means. I’ve been working very hard to better myself for my self. It’s working as my self doubt is exhaled into nothingness. Leaving me with nothing but peace.

My Poetry, Poetry

Go.

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Dare to write

Writing your dreams, desire, sex, love and passion

Whatever that may be

You can see your thoughts colliding with concrete written form

It’s bare and exposed

Lighting a way through the dark reality of human consciousness

Love yourself

Blessed with the food, shelter, family friends

Give thanks when you write

Nobody is promised tomorrow

Everybody dies; but not everybody lives.

About me, Writing

Morning peace. A Rambling random 4 A.m. Journal.

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I love the mornings and have for many years. I wake up and thank the universe for another day in a sense; and another  its always another chance to try again. I’m usually up long before the sunrise and greeting the world with peace. Its always so quiet and so dark… relaxing to the mind. Sipping my coffee. A much needed vice. (Black) Bzzzzzz.

But… I’m fighting a health issue which doesn’t make waking up in the morning very pleasant at first; I fight it; for I love my mornings and I try to get over it as soon as I possibly can…

Right now it is 4 am and I’m just pondering what all needs to be done today. Which isn’t much! Just make some calls and get some refills on a medication; not much to do! Oh. And clean the house… I could probably be doing that one now and I will shortly.

Its been odd to be living completely alone so far from most of the people I know but I am very thankful for everything that Ive gained by getting out and on my own. My own space to keep sacred and do with what I please, whenever I please. Ive lived in quite a few places and I think I am the happiest here. My landlord is very nice and I haven’t bothered him nor him bother me even once.

Before here… it was months in the shelter and even sleeping in an RV; times that were very good and times that were very bad. The RV I bought to get me out of the shelter; oh god did it get cold; but was fun while it lasted….

Anyways; I loved when I moved into this house and it was completely empty; other than my few things I had scrounged up to move in. It was very zendo like to have such few possessions but realistically; my potential to thrive required more.

My girlfriend would visit me constantly and help me get everything I need and it wasn’t long before I did have everything I need and more; she has been amazing. Even getting me this laptop I am typing on now so I could continue with wordpress and youtube (Thank you babe). She helped with furniture, appliances, groceries and anything I could have asked for.

My health issues will be dealt with soon. I have faith in that! And then I can chase dreams and chase much needed paper to provide myself with an even more comfortable living. Right now I am seeing the doctors way too much and am not going to put anything else on my plate. I will get better, I know it.

Optimistically Out!

-Nina

 

 

 

Writing

Peace; A ramble on a Saturday Morning

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photo-on-16-11-25-at-5-14-pm-7Why don’t I write any more? Have I gotten out of the groove? I said it was back to art? But how much art have I actually done? It seems like I fret without the constant attention I seek and its become oh so clear that I have a fear of abandonment. I aught to be ashamed of myself. Nawwwww I shouldn’t be its just the way I am. Nevertheless a very lucky girl indeed with oh so many blessings to keep me going!

Dear god if you can hear me I want to thank you for everything you’ve given me and even the things you havnt or have not yet or never will. NORMALLY I wouldn’t even acknowledge you god but I am not perfect. Maybe you are not either? Or maybe you are? Or maybe you don’t exist? Or maybe I am the god I am talking to deep inside myself. But I don’t think so. But it is good to be humble and thankful and as peaceful as you possibly can. Its a beautiful morning indeed as the rain pours down outside my windows.

Thank you god/ Universe for all the people in my life; its amazing how many people are out there and its almost like they are there JUST for me. Its very special; I want you to know if you’re listening I am thankful you put my girlfriend in my life she’s truly wonderful for me and we’ve come along way together so please help guide us in the right direction; in particular help guide me in the right direction and keep her safe god. Keep my parents safe as well and all of my friends, they deserve the best; they are beautiful. As is everything in creation if we can all live in peace. Peace be upon this world in the name of everything beautiful.