Yesterday was another battle with bipolar depression. I think I handled it better than the day before but still another hard battle. I worked out, cleaned thoroughly, walked the dogs a couple times… Im waking up now with coffee. A little tired. A little lonely but… Im optimistic today can be a good day if I make it one.
In other news. I had a GI appointment for Tuesday but I cancelled it; as I havent had symptoms in months and I think I am doing okay. I feel kind of guilty cancelling it but I just have no idea what I would even expect them to help me with if I am doing just fine. So it is what it is.
Maybe nobody on here knows who I am anymore… I am a trans girl, 38 years old living in Vancouver BC… I have worked many jobs and graduated college but I am on disability. To be brutally honest the last 10 years of my life; work was sex work. Some say its the oldest job around. Others might say I’m a whore.
I started this blog many years ago when I found myself living in the Yukon Homeless Shelter here in Vancouver. I had imagined I would be spending a lot longer homeless but thanks to friends and MPA society I landed myself a very nice suite in a neighborhood I had dreamed of. I started this blog thinking maybe I am documenting life on the streets. But it didnt turn out that way. And honestly this is so much more for me. It is such a blessing.
Now I am living under a housing program with MPA society. I have to give MPA society all of their flowers because of the crucial role they had in getting me housing. Not only getting me housing but because of their help, I was able to get sober. I am an addict. But I am 4 years clean.
Nowadays I spend a lot of time inside. Although I have a great life. Although I am clean. Mental illness, addiction and trauma have taken its toll and agoraphobia has a substantial impact on how often I am running around the city. Which is not as much as I used to, not by far. However I do get out. Just not as much. And I do live a very joyous life.
I have indulged in many forms of art that I like to pursue on all my platforms, poetry, music, art, graffiti, photography and video. Modeling? Haha. I love wordpress so much; it is a beautiful place.
Maybe I’ll leave it at that for now. A little of who I am and where I am coming from.
Its the morning, tired and I got my coffee. So glad to have my blog to sit on. The weather is slightly cool. Which is nice this morning. No need to fret over the day, what comes will come. Hopefully peace. I need this; a peaceful day to reside in slide around in my PJs. If you don’t know me; I am on disability. I consider myself a retired babushka.
Having disabilities comes with so much challenge. If I could work I would much rather be doing that. Hopefully one day! But for now I need to focus on my well being. Not am only am I disabled but I am also dealing with my health problems. Yesterday the doctor sent me to the hospital. Now I have some tests lined up to see if they can find out what is going on with me. What is going on with my gut. Wish me luck.
It’s 3 am on March 6th and I have no problems getting up. I feel rested and my watch says I got about 8 hours sleep. Today I have a phone appointment with my housing worker and I have to work on my taxes to get a return. Yesterday I added a new weapon to my collection and it feels dangerous to hold; all new weapons do… Right now I sit and vape drinking vanilla ice coffee, optimistic about the day ahead. I want to play on my switch this morning because theres probably no one awake to talk to at such an ungodly hour, yet these are sometimes my favorite hours; hours of spirituality.
From my window the nights sky looks like a blank black canvas… a big one haha. Which reminds me that these words are like the stars in the sky; cosmic. I’m starting to really get back in the groove of using wordpress. However I still have to get used to it and a lot of the features I used to use I no longer know how; I look back at all of the other posts over the past decade and they fascinate me. I want to continue building this page, to me it has grown into something very special. From the quotes, to the street art, to the love poetry. It was once a memory but if I explore this site I can relive every moment any time I want.
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