It’s 3 am on March 6th and I have no problems getting up. I feel rested and my watch says I got about 8 hours sleep. Today I have a phone appointment with my housing worker and I have to work on my taxes to get a return. Yesterday I added a new weapon to my collection and it feels dangerous to hold; all new weapons do… Right now I sit and vape drinking vanilla ice coffee, optimistic about the day ahead. I want to play on my switch this morning because theres probably no one awake to talk to at such an ungodly hour, yet these are sometimes my favorite hours; hours of spirituality.
From my window the nights sky looks like a blank black canvas… a big one haha. Which reminds me that these words are like the stars in the sky; cosmic. I’m starting to really get back in the groove of using wordpress. However I still have to get used to it and a lot of the features I used to use I no longer know how; I look back at all of the other posts over the past decade and they fascinate me. I want to continue building this page, to me it has grown into something very special. From the quotes, to the street art, to the love poetry. It was once a memory but if I explore this site I can relive every moment any time I want.
I dont really feel quite myself at the moment as my heart thump thump thumps
Not quite as relaxing
I must somehow enjoy the rest of this beautiful day…
Now what can be dont besides mindless relaxation… Art perhaps? Cleaning? Youve been meaning to clean out the boxes in the entrance closets but THAT REQUIRES GOING OUTSIDE.
And no one wants that.
Lol…
Games? I seem tired of games. Maybe if I pick it up and start playing I will enjoy it. Or maybe not. Maybe I am depressed.
As I sip this coffee. Well… Guzzle this coffee… It does not seem to help the heart slow down. Neither did the ganja either. When will I ever learn…
But I can’t help it. These are my acts of escapism.
I may not be drinking or sniffing lines popping pills but I am still a junkie by all means. What does that mean? It means Im a dopamine fiend. Squeez it to the last drop.
There’s something strange about returning to WordPress.
It had brought me so much peace. I had originally created this site living in a homeless shelter and planned to document my life living on the streets… I’m not sure how long exactly I was homeless at the time. Maybe 6 months or so… But I prevailed. From living in different shelters. To eventually buying an RV. To eventually getting a housing subsidy and renting the perfect suite. Then I had a home…
I would drink a lot during my years there but blogging was always there. I would wake up hungover and immediately go to WordPress and found so much joy in making and sharing blog posts. I truly loved it. And now I miss the feeling of it; I miss the satisfying post button… It was especially nice to be posting from my own home. Not the coffee shop WiFi next to the shelter, Or my girlfriend’s house.
On WordPress you create your own little archived world. It can truly be a beautiful thing. To profess what you go through and what you stand for and what you’d like to create. I want to return… So I guess I’m back.
– The Lotus in the Mud – Graffiti, Poetry & The Inner Bodhisattva
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