In this digital age I write on digital page
Entering the matrix at light speed
Screen time phenomenon encompasses the world
The latest tech always awaits you yet
With little more than some gigabites I figure write
I figured right to signal light
Across the world wide web
I hope this finds you in a peaceful state of mind to dwell
Good morning world.
Yesterday was another battle with bipolar depression. I think I handled it better than the day before but still another hard battle. I worked out, cleaned thoroughly, walked the dogs a couple times… Im waking up now with coffee. A little tired. A little lonely but… Im optimistic today can be a good day if I make it one.
In other news. I had a GI appointment for Tuesday but I cancelled it; as I havent had symptoms in months and I think I am doing okay. I feel kind of guilty cancelling it but I just have no idea what I would even expect them to help me with if I am doing just fine. So it is what it is.
And thats all for now. Signings off.
Nina
Nov 6 2026. I wake up.
I hope today is nothing like yesterday. Bipolar depression is a nasty beast. I fought in every way I could but it still whooped my ass yesterday. This morning is pouring rain. I love the rain, so maybe its a good sign. Whoever is reading this if you have depression and you are feeling absolutely awful; do a workout followed by a freezing shower. Yes I know both are not exactly pleasant but both are very healthy and a great way to fight the depression by releasing happy chemicals. It didnt entirely work for me yesterday but it usually does. Maybe I’ll check in tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
-Nina
To rise… is to be; here in the moment of now. In the dim morning light; the world breathes consciousness into me. I am here now waiting for nothing; preparing for nothing. I expect nothing. Nothing comes and nothing goes and I breathe in and and out. The day may bring what the day may bring and that’s okay too. To face this day without judgement. Neither good nor bad. Perhaps that is my way to peace today. Allowing the entirety of today. To come. To go.
The dim sky waits for the world to rise with the sun
I’m wonderous like a child looking above
The darkness cries out for the light and a beautiful day
Please come and nourish the land once again
Awaken in the silence
Buddha science
Hot coffee hits the lips
There is no moment but this
Appreciated
Peaceful aint it?
A very random hand written journal entry
Im not sure what I was thinking when I wrote this haha. But it looks pretty ^.^
Maybe nobody on here knows who I am anymore… I am a trans girl, 38 years old living in Vancouver BC… I have worked many jobs and graduated college but I am on disability. To be brutally honest the last 10 years of my life; work was sex work. Some say its the oldest job around. Others might say I’m a whore.
I started this blog many years ago when I found myself living in the Yukon Homeless Shelter here in Vancouver. I had imagined I would be spending a lot longer homeless but thanks to friends and MPA society I landed myself a very nice suite in a neighborhood I had dreamed of. I started this blog thinking maybe I am documenting life on the streets. But it didnt turn out that way. And honestly this is so much more for me. It is such a blessing.
Now I am living under a housing program with MPA society. I have to give MPA society all of their flowers because of the crucial role they had in getting me housing. Not only getting me housing but because of their help, I was able to get sober. I am an addict. But I am 4 years clean.
Nowadays I spend a lot of time inside. Although I have a great life. Although I am clean. Mental illness, addiction and trauma have taken its toll and agoraphobia has a substantial impact on how often I am running around the city. Which is not as much as I used to, not by far. However I do get out. Just not as much. And I do live a very joyous life.
I have indulged in many forms of art that I like to pursue on all my platforms, poetry, music, art, graffiti, photography and video. Modeling? Haha. I love wordpress so much; it is a beautiful place.
Maybe I’ll leave it at that for now. A little of who I am and where I am coming from.
Tata!
-Nina
Remember. Calm is always possible in the storm. Sometimes it is the most peaceful.
Sometimes I forget the calm is my storm. That I was born to flourish in mayhem. Similair to the lotus, similair to the mud. Even in this time I rise. Above the earth; eyes gazing across the land. With a clear view and no obstruction. All is the absolute truth behind it all. The jewel in the lotus. I become one with that truth. In the emptiness, nothingness. Peace. Bliss. Calm in my storm.
We have been seeing death and dark… and light and life… Crossing to and fro… Amidst the chaos I am clear as calm water. Or the infinite sky.
-Nina
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