Tag Archives: Journal entry

Journaling

Checking in; Journal.

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My three years of sobriety date is coming up and I ordered myself some shit to celebrate. I’m currently battling bipolar depression but I have lots of tools at my disposal to win the battles. The weather has been very cool and rainy, I welcome it with open arms in August when we are usually in a heat wave and the city is filled with forest fire smoke. Its been a fur baby summer as I adopted 2 rescue kittens (Puma and Dreamer). And my parents got a new puppy (Shiva). All the cats and pup are healthy, happy and doing well.

I just want to get by, and be a survivor. I am happy with a simplistic minimalist lifestyle. I’m still a junkie but I dont seek endorphins through substance any longer. Third time getting sober and I suppose third time is a charm; I’ve never made it this long.

Signing off.

-Nina

About me, Journaling

Remind myself; Journal

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Still I rise. Still I write.

5 am in North Vancouver, British Columbia

Clouds in the sky. July 5th 2025

I sit at the computer with a coffee as I did 10 years ago when this blog began. This time I’m not homeless using the Starbucks wifi. I paid my internet bill yesterday. Its weird because I remember those days like it was yesterday. As hard as some days were, I was queen of the Yukon Shelter for quite some time. Thank you Yukon for giving me a place to sleep. A place to collect myself and get back on my feet. And thank you to MPA Society for all of your help since way back when I was a volunteer.

Thanks to all my supports from shelters to charities to doctors and my own families; I’m holding it down like a success story for addiction, I pray I can continue on; striving for my own liberation.

Things are definitely different now. But I always have to remind myself how this all began. And give thanks. That’s all.

-Nina

About me, Journaling

Small rant.

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I have struggled with agoraphobia my whole life, I didnt really realize it until age 34… What was really going on with me. Is it too late? At 36 I revel in joy when finishing a single task that involves stepping outside of my door. Which isn’t that often, but often enough to give me hope. Sometimes when I go out, I am shaking, trembling in fear… Having a hard time catching my breath. I am afraid of people and I dont know why. It can be very embarrassing, sad, scary; this is what I am dealing with.

Maybe more on this to come…

About me, Journaling

December 1st.

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I’m in the new crib as the rain pours at 3 am… Drinking an energy drink and vaping away. So very peaceful… Life feels very kind to me lately and I am gifted many blessings. I am thankful for this… I am still sober, doing art and doing just fine. The ongoing sobriety brings financial prosperity and much peace to go along with it… Also; A healthy body and mind.

I have many goals to achieve but time remains on my side. It would be nice to own a vehicle to travel the province is one of them. Other goals focus on physical and mental well being. Art, poetry and other forms of expression are not goals but I hope to continue creating for the sake of creating. Thankful for all…

I would like to return to a very minimalist lifestyle and this will take patience and perseverance. All things do really I suppose. Its the simple fact upon opening my moving boxes the realization of over-accumulating. And a remembrance of a more simple lifestyle, sometimes less is more!

Thank you Universe for everything.

Nina

About me

Journaling ramble Jot

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Waking up… Its different here; not as calm being as that I am not the only early riser. 15 days sober and simply trying to get through every day. Not that I am not happy. I am happy. There are so many things I am thankful for and that I love dearly… Today I dont know what I will do but Im hoping today is bliss. Days can be bliss if you allow them to be.

Sidenote; I think I may have slept on my arm as my ribcage is a little sore.

I have someone whom I love dearly. She makes me smile so hard… So I tell her I love her as much as I can. Its too bad that covid has led to our relationship existing from such a distance but we strive to keep our sacred love and happiness alive. I can be patient.

I am happy! My room is now a pink little nest in which I find great comfort. The weather has been much cooler the past week which calms the mind during the summer heat. I also have quit smoking; something I wasnt sure would ever happen. Drinking is one thing but ciggarettes are a bitch! Go me…

Thats all for now

-Nina

About me, Love, Transgender

(Against all odds) Just be happy anyways!

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Photo on 16-12-01 at 2.05 PM #8.jpg

Why did I title this… against all odds? Happiness? Well..For months and months Ive been battling health issues. I spent over a month being dehydrated and extremely light headed (fainting occasionally) and I “FINALLY” conquered that issue recently. It was preventing me from getting work and I was exited for it to be over. BUT Week or Two later… I began throwing up every morning uncontrollably…  Its like morning sickness but Im sadly not pregnant…This has persisted for over a month now as well and we still aren’t really sure what is causing me to be so sick this time, the medication they gave me doesn’t seem to be working… But whatever y’know? Against all odds Imma Just Do Me and BE HAPPY.

I can’t let this sh–t drag me down; I will do whatever I got to do to get through this! and do it happily along the way, hehehe… Peace to all of my followers! and all the people I follow! So much respect to my fellow bloggers, you definitely without knowing it have helped me through these times haha… I don’t like to do any : ANY complaining blog posts. No thats not my style at all. This is a post about positivity and striving to do your best when things are trying to drag you down.

I love my girlfriend (my muse) lol, love her very much and my extremely  supportive parents  and I know they all want to see me doing well and being happy. I hope I make em proud… I celebrate 3 years on hormone replacement therapy ;So thats three years of my life I am extremely EXTREMELY thankful for; its been amazing. No doubt; amazing. Came a long way from last year itself. And yeah… Thats about it for the thankful rant…

Peace everyone. Stay happy, positive and strive on. (Through all obstacles)

-Nina

About me, Quotes, Writing

Journaling and thoughts on manifestation of future self. – Nina

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I feel like if you believe strong enough something will happen. No matter how far away it is. If you start walking toward it; realizing it or not. You’re going to get there. Through the universes law of attraction. Good things and bad things and everything in between can be manifested. – Nina

5:00 AM July 23rd.

Coffee brews and the sky slightly lit and the neighbourhood in silence, other than the sounds of the frogs that live in the gutters. I’m tired but, not too tired to write. Finally my mind has readjusted back to the before sunrise wake-up time. So; I’m up before my alarm goes off and I quickly silence it.  Todays forecast is sunny n clouds with a high of 22 n a low of 14. Awake and alone as I’ve been for months in the morning. The day is young, and its mine…

Yes I’m alone; always alone in the morning n thats cool with me. Realizing lately that it’s okay to be alone, although it wasn’t easy for me to come to accept that notion. Being happy with ones own company is important for growth as a person and it give you time to think and I’ve been thinking a lot.

Thinking about the future and… An odd thing to feel is that you have manifested all of the aspects of your life to come together into a certain way; almost perfectly in sync… Seriously, the laws of attraction gives you these things you wanted and you try and ask yourself what you really want next? “What do I want?” and “Why do I want that?” or “How am I going to get that / there?” . How do I begin the process of manifesting once again? I honestly don’t know where I want to be heading next…

There are ways to try to manifest and realize / actualize your future through brain and mind maps; collages and lists of goals or visions of yourself in the future and I’ve used them several times which helped me get to many of the steps I’ve amounted to. Perhaps it’s time to rekindle the idea of manifesting through creativity and hard work and exploring ideas of what I really want for the rest of my life.

Luckily I’m alive today; Healthy with an opportunity to go after anything that I want. I don’t have anything holding me back (other than an anxiety disorder) but everyone has issues with that one way or another and I know that I’m extremely lucky for the freedom to choose any path… that, and as well as having all the supports I need… I am not in this alone…

Just alone in this physical moment.

At 5:00 AM July 23rd.

With love,

Nina

 

 

About me

It’s me again.

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Photo on 16-06-06 at 7.54 AM #4

Another journaling rant about yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Feeling really good this morning. Thinking about life and this life is just fine. Life has treated me well as I could have gone down some incredibly regrettable paths. Nevertheless I made it through and I’m happy to be here at this point; in this moment. It took me many years to make the decision to transition. It took 4 months on the street to get my home. But I made it! My relationship with my girlfriend is great and my parents as well. I’ve dropped my addiction fueled lifestyle for a more calming and healthy way. Staying out of trouble for the most part…

But I still have work to do; we all do don’t we? Goal setting is something I’m going to be working on daily or I’ll be going nowhere (as happy and relaxed as I am) I should never get too comfortable. I’ve had this issue many times before … People ask me if I work or study and the answer being “neither” has to change. It always changes; life is ever-changing. So daily I will have created different to-do like lists to drive myself forward. I’m not worried about anything, I just know about the importance of not being too stagnant and the rewards of hard work.

I honestly don’t have any particular set goals on work/ school /money at the moment but this is good in my opinion because it leaves so many options..

Happily,

Nina

About me, Love, My Poetry, Photography, Poetry

Being transgender is more exiting.

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Photo on 16-06-06 at 8.01 AM #4

I didn’t have the typical story of knowing I was a girl at a very young age. I grew into it naturally like a new pair of shoes. It’s exciting to me; everyday is exiting to get dressed and do my makeup and be me! It’s beautiful. The days spent out or the days shut in…. they represent me and they represent freedom. I am not the transgender girl complaining about the surrounding world, I am the lucky one passing day by the ”Practically” unscathed. Practically but most definitely not entirely. Imma keep stomping on. .

Photography

Muh Hat. The attention grabber complete with kitty ears.

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When I was living on the streets I decided to do something special for myself one day. I went shopping at Capilano Mall 3 blocks from the shelter. I had been trying to save money but I was extremely depressed, buying this definitely cheered me up. Although! I felt very childish buying kitty ears toque with attached kitty mitts. I never would have thought it would make me suck a peacock, but I liked it. I’ve never had so many complements on a piece of clothing in my life… catching girls taking pictures of me on the train and sometimes up to 5 times a day people stopping me to tell me how much they love the hat. It definitely kept me warm as well in zero degree temperatures while I struggled my way out of shelters and from a ice cold R.V. to the beautiful home I have today.

Diz iz muh hat.