Tag Archives: Transgender
Something to think about …. “Always Protect the Children ….Really?”!! — It Is What It Is
~~May 3, 2016~~ CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE If a child lives with criticism, they learn to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive, If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves, If a child lives with […]
via Something to think about …. “Always Protect the Children ….Really?”!! — It Is What It Is
Jotting my journal away! – Nina
Journaling is kind of funny on here because it is very random writing for me. Yet it seems to get more views than other posts. If you clicked here and don’t know me I’m Nina, I am 27 years old and a happily transgender female living on the west coast of Canada (Lovely Vancity). I tend to blog a lot of art, graffiti, poetry, Buddhism related stuff and ocasionally indulge into my life; its ups and downs or spirals down rabbit holes / or perhaps blasting to the moon.
I’m in a great place at this point in my journey and I am really appreciative of friends family and supporters through my m2f transition that occurred for a large portion of my life. So if you’re reading this, thank you. Also helping to smooth over my recovery from substance abuse and dealing with bipolar and shit that comes along with it, particularly my girlfriend, I love you hun. Thank you.
When I say I am happily trans its because I don’t carry any burdens along with me. I don’t dwell on if I could’ve been born a woman or transitioned sooner. Maybe everything happens at a certain time for a certain reason; I am not really sure, but in this moment it feels right; and I know I am in the right place. And with this: Hoping my life can reach out a hand a little bit; letting people know with growth comes healing.
The studies and posts I do regarding Buddhism, Zen and Tao are important in a large sense and perhaps I should not be the one wording the dharma or explaining it but… I will say that I have grown as a person because of it and it has taken me on journeys I did not think possible. It has also helped with my creativity, focus and recovery from abuse. So I try my best to share that. Untainted.
I have been spending a lot of time with my lover and it’s been wonderful. And although I have relapsed and I have had anxiety and I have been psychotic…
I’m doing good. I am still working on it and “keep it movin'”. Always!—- forward.
Today I am just chillin’ at home and watching time slowly pass by. Drawing and reading and I’m happily typing away and wishing all of you the best wherever you want to go.
Stay beautiful, stay strong.
Peace
Nina
We are governed; fact or fiction? – Nina
We are governed by the laws of physics
is it…
fact or fiction
to be trapped
or
to believe in supernatural
actual
happenings.
We use a small portion
of our mind
or activation
psychedelics sublime
become animated.
Strange places I’ve been
and I wonder
if my eyes
mind
soul
defy me;
defying the governing laws
“laws”
the laws of the universe.
-Nina
Feeling positive; Just jotting like a journal.
I’m quite thankful to be alive and well, writing away; although I feel a serious writers block. Fuck writers block. Ill just start typing. They say to just write anyways so…Im happy!
The hot weather is extremely overdue in my life so I’m sunbathing lots lately; catching a tan and spending far more time outside. Last summer is when I met my love, bringing me extremely positive vibes.
I’m rarely anxious or dysphoric lately and generally just feeling pretty Damn good; finding myself dancing, drawing and going out without even bothering to do my makeup. I don’t always need it to feel “pretty” so I can just be me. No worries. On the note of dysphoria; Ordering my birth certificate today to get my name change going (also extremely overdue). My girlfriend has done it now I’m playing catch up. It’s going to be a long, brutal process but it’s all good.
Right now I’m staying at my parents house helping them with their move into a new home in July, they are selling the house I grew up in which might not hit me till later but now I’m happy for them because they got a nice new spot lined up. Changes for me? Nothing major lately but I’m going to be seeing my girlfriend this week for a week straight instead of on and off which makes me happy.
Very happy.
Yes. Good times.
-Nina
Today in story form. -Nina
I promised myself that I would write today for the sake of writing but I don’t feel like I’m forcing it at all. I woke up this morning around 7 o’clock and saw the sunshine cascading through the cracks of my blinds knowing it was going to be a beautiful day. I quickly had coffee, got dressed and did my make-up, exited to run round the city. Walked down the block to get some change for the bus and as I was walking I could swear the flagger girl directing traffic called my name “Nina!” and told me to have a good day… “You too!”… I said smilingly.
I didn’t even exactly decide where I was going; either to pick up a check or to see the love of my life n wake her up n surprise her. As situations played out I stayed on the bus heading to grab the money n grab her after. I sat at the back of the bus truly enjoying this beautiful weather, people, vibes along the river on marine drive south Vancouver. A little girl got on the bus and ran down the isle sitting beside me noticing the art on my tablet; sparking conversations on graffiti, dragons and being transgender at an age …probably 4 years old. I truly love this city; feeling so safe and sound…
I rode around the city bus by bus and got the dough I needed for rent, met up with my lover for breakfast and decided to go shopping. I found a leather studded purse and golden heart bracelets while Larissa grabbed a new summer dress n a very cute bra..She kept thanking me for coming to get her and go shopping n I didn’t know why… until she put it on the dress; I have to say she looked stunning. It’s still hot and sunny as I type this away from my new home maxin n relaxin in my bikini, naturally happily.
lol
love you hun.
-Nina
UN-TITLED / RHYME-RECITAL – Nina
Practicing what we preach: out of reach; searching for peace but I think this is a unique piece:
In the midst of a middle riddle; I fiddle on the electronicals with supersonic speed atomical precision decision making heart racing; facing myself is always hardest; trying to depart it: impossible my clause interconnecting and hopping obstacles.
Questioning everything and returning to my breath; nothingness its so comforting but than again: back to reality of tragedy; calamity the causes of suffering: uttering threats into my inner soul; so powerful it can be picked up by Interpol.
Its funny how quick I switch from enlightened n lit to a frightened little bitch; I need to hitch a ride back to the relaxed fact that everything is in fact fine and intact or is it? Here I go again in slow motion repent everything I ever did.
Wait… everything happens for a reason and it has a deeper meaning resonating in my soul just waiting to defeat my demons that be ever scheming on my being…
Back to the breath again, rest again, is that just me repressing them? “Thoughts”….. “Not” if I continue to learn from the lessons and suggestions by enlightened messengers descending from whats basically heaven sent.
Purposefully I use the words perfect like word perfect it auto-corrects my words to be well worth it, hoping I’m serving the world when my splurges like this hit the net surfing. Im just gonna ride the wave till i wash up on shore and find that place where Im not nervous…
They say that words move mountains; its true. My life and what I’m wanting to do. If I never grow up I’ve found the fountain of youth. But if I don’t grow I’m stuck up in this cycle : abuse.
So what am I gonna do? Take it day by day / play by play. What else do you want me to say?
Peace be upon you; today is a beautiful day.
Nina
Depression/Anxiety/Bipolar? Relapse? Fuck that.-Checking in with Nina
Outside it is pouring a warm rain, I’ve left the door wide open, just listening. Drinking my coffee wishing I had slept in but that’s never the case for me. The rain is beautiful and calming and I know warm weather is coming soon and I desperately need it, Sun and exploration. I have a Canon rebel hoping to be out doing street photography shoots and skate videos. Walking the city and hiking the mountains. I know. Good times are coming.
I’m still enjoying my transition; I shouldn’t even call it that because I feel complete. Instead: I’m enjoying life as a woman. I don’t have dysphoria for the most part. Sometimes I don’t even wear makeup and simply rely on my natural beauty; which feels good. I love shopping and building a never-ending wardrobe, I love doing my makeup and picking my outfits or wearing the intimate types for me or my girlfriend and my life is a thousand times better this way.
I’m climbing out of my depressive state; slowly but surely. Taking my blog seriously and taking life seriously around 100 days sober. It’s taken some getting used to coming from using my whole life and recently living in the the shelter to my beautiful home and completely sober but I’m extremely hopeful for the future; letting go of destructive uses of time and onto the constructive… I’m supposed to be tapering down my anxiety meditation but I might have to tell my doctor that I’m actually not ready for that. The thought of battling it without meditation is just… ugh. My anxiety still has a firm grip on me basically; not for any particular reason, it’s just my bipolar.
So basically I’m just overcoming, striving to be better than I was yesterday and holding onto the positives that keep me going. Extremely blessed and lucky: to be alive, to be with my love, having a home and infinite opportunities to grasp and work with. As for anxiety/depression/bipolar, I’m just going to take control of my life and ride the shit out. I’ve been through way too much in this life to let that shit control me. Fuck that.
Nina
Goodnightnina Dot WordPress. About me pt. ?
I usually hate writing about myself but I reinforce myself to write about something every day, it’s therapeutic and creates content allowing people into my experiences. I’m up early this morning; as I am every morning at 5 AM. Jumping directly into wordpress and slapping away at the keyboard painting some sort of picture: Me.
I’m me. Transgender and proud; artist. I don’t hide my identity and no one who’s transgender should have to but unfortunately in society I know there’s far too many staying in the closet. I’m hoping to be a representation of why not to, and how much better your life can be. Simply being yourself. Im some ways I think my visibility makes a difference; other days I feel like I don’t exist, but hey. You’re reading this aren’t you?
My name is Nina. I’m an extroverted b girl; Into all elements of hip hop. I draw, paint and create. I write poetry, lyrics, journaling and small articles. I’m a filmmaker and video editor. I’m vegetarian and love to cook. I like reading, mostly Buddhist books and spiritual books. I graduated college; studying mental health. I watch a lot of movies with my girlfriend and I’m happily taken. I like to skateboard n play basketball.
Welcome to my blog. I blog Gaffiti, Art, Street Photography, Buddhist Philosophy, Poetry, and anything thought provoking or visually… beautiful!
Rhyme therapy. Poetic outcry.
Just writing shit. Passing time. Outlashing rhyme.
Is Concrete freedom? Completely completing me?
I feel like I’m depleting…
Too much time… so here I rhyme.
I got a good girl, good world. I’m in love.
Word therapy it’s scaring me cause words release and reveal disparity.
The repressed stress that impales / my chest… I let the rest of my rhymes set sail.
Every day listening to the rain, it washes pain away.
I want to get up, but it looks like imma do it on a later day.
Now: Trynna bail… out….I fell off.. or fell out… I feel like I’m doing nothing when I’m sitting here alone with my own”self.”…
I’m too used to street tops / we walked the block in reboks / more miles than Enoch / up n down like seasaws.
…then hop trains to the seashore. Drink more. I need more,
Fuck, I bleed for freedom like firey Vietnam napalm.
I’m going awal.
God Damn I seen it all, drove me up the walls….
No sentiment to what I representing in this moment. Alone, Heckle myself. Jeckle?
Fuck it, Hyde… but wise with pretty eyes.
No doctor could ever calm my storms. Before they’d have to lock up me up to disarm my sword cause I was hardened up in numerous spots, reclusive to the marks n whites. Selling anything up, down. it could be hard n white. Sparks n darkness all around us so I got up n I got a Mic. White boy, the homie in disguise, still I rise, no demise, what? Gutter minded, smooth like butter out the housing projects.. That I would drowse in / n drowning…. in problems no solving it, just dissolve it. Mixing pills w potions in my cup of cauldron burning hottest notions. The Urban junglist psychlobin fungus n coco leaf under my tongue it’s.. MDMA in my nose and it’s disgusting. Welfare Glutton.
Like:Fuck it.
But Im survival against the rival, which is self, close minded to changing my mind, my mind is always shrouded dark clouded in madness to death. Always trying to redesign, redefine, n read in between the lines. Inclining myself refining self and it’s a crucial time.
But…
Now that I’m reclusive.
Introduced to the sobriety. Inducing nothingness including no substance to my mindstate. That was then, this is now …. Now… This is my mindstate… soberly irate. Am I trying to find me? Do these words serve a purpose? I think I make people nervous. I’m unafraid. I was the underage murderous on the curb sip serve swerving it or serving it.
That then. This is now, now. so true. How I gonna get through this? What am I supposed to do? I’m so new to.
this…
Nina
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