Tag Archives: Transgender
Trans Pride: A Higher Cause (Poetry) – Nina
Reblogg Poetry
I am…
The Type of writer who lites fires with typewriters.
Trans pride; n its a quite higher:
cause.
Despite my minor flaws I write because.
I’m…
Inspired by role models and not cold bottles.
No more sorrow.
I’m trans and…
Trans transgender pride; my gender why?
In splendor I; am utterly myself.
Selfishly no; selfless by being oneself with.
All that I can and possibly will.
If I didn’t; I’d probably be ill.
Although it really needs no commentary.
On the contrary I still see a bigots daily
I’m doing fine but I can imagine somewhere out there…
Someone is terrified of being themselves
I see this clearly.
Now a common occurring; non obscuring event.
I present myself to the world plus my 2 cents.
Have a conscience; discriminatory nonsense.
Happiness lays around the corner for many.
Plenty if we; could set an example and
Simply be free.
Nina
Being transgender is more exiting.
I didn’t have the typical story of knowing I was a girl at a very young age. I grew into it naturally like a new pair of shoes. It’s exciting to me; everyday is exiting to get dressed and do my makeup and be me! It’s beautiful. The days spent out or the days shut in…. they represent me and they represent freedom. I am not the transgender girl complaining about the surrounding world, I am the lucky one passing day by the ”Practically” unscathed. Practically but most definitely not entirely. Imma keep stomping on. .
Muh Hat. The attention grabber complete with kitty ears.
When I was living on the streets I decided to do something special for myself one day. I went shopping at Capilano Mall 3 blocks from the shelter. I had been trying to save money but I was extremely depressed, buying this definitely cheered me up. Although! I felt very childish buying kitty ears toque with attached kitty mitts. I never would have thought it would make me suck a peacock, but I liked it. I’ve never had so many complements on a piece of clothing in my life… catching girls taking pictures of me on the train and sometimes up to 5 times a day people stopping me to tell me how much they love the hat. It definitely kept me warm as well in zero degree temperatures while I struggled my way out of shelters and from a ice cold R.V. to the beautiful home I have today.
Diz iz muh hat.
Journal Entry Number I don’t Know, bloop. :)
Just waking up at 6 Am. Feeling pretty good today; in turn from sleeping nearly 12 hours I am guessing? I know, thats a F***ing long sleep right? My day today… Hoping that my girlfriends car has the life to make a trip over to my house… we really got to get that S*** fixed! It’s ugly outside and I need her to come over and cuddle, watch movies and let me cook her some dinner. As hard as I think I am sometimes, thats kind of played out, I’ve realized I mostly am not. Probably more of a softy. More interested in warmth, love, compassion ect. and I miss her / I miss her a lot. But no matter what she’s definitely worth the wait…
The day is so young; but I’m wide awake. Wanting time to go by just a little bit faster. Not that I’m upset, I’m just optimistic for the day. Even with a clouded sky I will have smiling eyes. Although unsure at times if my writing is worth the words written I’ll continue nonetheless, for the sake I’ll look back one day, learn from it, or cherish it. I love looking back at my art, music and videos but for the first time in my life I’m trying to take the artistic approach of writing seriously. Not in the sense that I am going in any particular direction with it but in the sense that no matter what happens that I will simply continue doing it, whatever the days may bring.
Poetry has become an intricate part of my day to day life having been reading it everyday on my wordpress feed. I love reading poetry these days more than I ever have before. Its spilled it’s way into my youtube channel and also a great way of expressing my feelings, to the world and to the people I love. I’d say that poetry, how little or how much I do maybe was always a part of me. Hip hop is also poetry and I’ve been missing that feeling when you lay down a clean 16 bars. I try to write bars everyday only to get frustrated when its not exactly how I want it to be, frustrating me and leaving me wondering if it might be more productive to just get on and freestyle some stuff out till it just sounds right. I DONT KNOW! -writers block- ?
Anyways, hope you all have a great day!
Heres a little link-pooh.
Nina – Are you listening? Slam poetry rap.
Just a photo.
About me in-depth. Nina.
Through the shrouded memories I take glimpses of my memories on earth; in this city I call home, it feels sometimes like I have seen it and been through it all. Even as 2 genders, a straight male, a lesbian. From a young boy to a grown woman; it is beautiful in my own eyes. My addiction to change was constant; I went from a high school drop out to a graduated mental health worker with some of the highest marks in my class. From a drug dealer to a volunteer in many of the cities outreach facilities. From a sexual exhibitionist to a faithful monogamous relationship with my present girlfriend. I was homeless countless times since the age of 15. In and out of the court system since as early as 13…
One of my first charges: possession of a controlled substance with intent to traffic. I’m a genderqueer rap artist and poet who when I was younger would never dream of going on Facebook, yet I later used it to exploit my body for the sheer rush and mass attention and exhibitionism. Never would have I ever dreamed of getting in front of a camera back in the day but now my YouTube has 111 subscribers 88 videos that I’ve produced and over 15 000 views…
Where am I going now? I feel as though I left the streets behind me… yet 4 months ago I lived in a shelter downtown. Sometimes I miss it, I really do. Many people have seen my transition as something powerful to uplift myself and other trans girls. Yet I’ve been attacked in the streets for it and harassed on many levels. I was liberated as a woman but was alluring myself towards being a working girl. Yin and yang of this life is baffling.
I thought everything in my life would stay the same. I’ve lost almost all of my personal friends. The kids I used to kick it with are long gone from my life. I’ve tried to stay in touch but maybe I’ve burned all my bridges through crime and substance, a reputation for disaster. Yet now I am… so different . It’s painful losing touch with people you considered brothers and sisters. But I have bipolar and in the blink of an eye my whole persona can switch along with a long list of social backfires that go back more years than I can think of… I was a bully in elementary school, I’m so ashamed of that and a gang mentality kid in high school, kind of ashamed at what I would do for dough; being shuffled rigorously through the system for my behavior. So the people I grew up with… I’m guessing have absolutely no trust in me and I don’t blame them.
I’ve moved on and transitioned, moved over and over again through all corners of the city. By now I’ve tried nearly every drug; having overdosed my first time trying heroin but no drug has had me addicted except the eversoavailable alcohol. I used it to treat social anxiety, personal anxiety, anxiety relating to my gender… I’m sitting in the doctors office, a transgender clinic downtown and oh so far I’ve come from an ignorant punk kid. Although the kid is still in me I use that part of me wisely; for creativity, curiosity. I don’t truly ever feel like I’m growing up but I guess that I am. How strange a thought… Have I stopped to smell the flowers?
From living in million dollar spots to sleeping on the bug rat infested floors of the projects in Chinatown or from the courtyard boxer fighting and training, smoking weed with my homies to the girl who stays home reading and reciting poetry. From the boy being abused by his girlfriend to the girl finally finding the true love she’s been looking for…
Maybe the Constance of change is the flowers. Seeing the world from all perspectives. Maybe I’m just well cultured… rather than an all over the place psychopath I’m actually someone you go to for another view of things. I’ve found peace in a cold jail cell and hell in luxury apartments on the ocean. It’s funny the way things work. You think you want something so bad you’d die for it. Something changes and you never wanted or needed it in the first place. What do I need now? I want to regain control, I want to empower myself to change my world first and then the world around me. I feel extremely lucky to be alive and I don’t want to take that for granted. I don’t want to take anything for granted, life is so precious and too short to waste. Where the fuck do I go from here? I’m so found yet still so lost… as I ride the train; city screaming by me. ..
I ask myself.
Where am I going this time?
-Nina
Checking in with Nina. Journaling and about me.
4 AM May 22nd – I was thinking of going back to sleep but it is beautifully dark, beautifully quiet and peaceful. I just awoke from having multiple dreams. It was the first day of our high school and it was more of a wasteland of stoners than an actual school as blunts were passed around before we walked barefoot into a piss covered hallway leading to our homeroom. It only lasted for about five minutes before we all realized how horrible school was and ran off into the darkness. Darkness? Yes its odd school was in the middle of the night and I’m realizing that now. A woman beats her child for acting up asking if he wants to end up in the downtown eastside when he grows up. My dreamlands are… they are definitely something.
I’m awake now. The coffee is made. It’s cold in the house because my landlord cut off the heat to save money so I’m all bundled up. I want to go to the skatepark down the street today so long as it doesn’t rain on me. I feel kind of like I haven’t been my ever-so-optimistic self lately. Now waking up this early I wonder if it’s because I haven’t been waking up before daylight. This feels far better than seeing light as soon as I’m up. It’s been 4 months since I left the homeless shelter but I still haven’t found a routine that truly satisfies me… I’m addicted to ever-changing life but I feel quite still.
I’ve gotten used to living here and am going to start looking for work soon. I want to work in a plant nursery; So I’m going to try that first. If not… I’ll try something else! Transitioning is going just fine. I consider it done and I’m comfy in my own skin, taking pictures as often as I can and daring to go out in dresses and skirts by my lonesome at the spur of any moment. On the other hand I cry a lot; but I’m not sure if that entirely relates to the hormones or not hahaha… Maybe that is silly. Crying over very little and trivial things… But bigger things are an even harder challenge. Today however I am feeling optimistic. I feel refreshed and ready for whatever.
Just checking in.
Nina
Goodnightnina’s: Dont make me… Dark Slam Poetry
Death is kinda cool when ya get used to it! Shieeet* I’m translucent.
When a “faggot” passes on, sometimes they drag-on.. “Dragon,”m MORELIKEIT! imploring that I’m coming for YOUR LIFE. Shit
Loosening up your floorboards creeking* creeping toward yours.
You called me a freak cause I wore make, up… my lace covered face tasting your blood ingedient of your hate as you wake up.
Sweeter than sex is revenge let’s pretend YOU made amends,
I’ll chill a moment… amen”
Playing pianos in your in bed while your shitting yourself alone eyes wide as a full moon lit. Fit of despair your screams are useless. Or maybe in the basement hanging nooses for your amusement.
I hope you use it….
They used to tell me “get ghost.”
Now I’m playing host in bloodstained robes.
I’m crawling up your ceiling eyeballs gleaming with utter disgusting nothingness asking if you remember when you tried forcing me to suck your….
You would harass my phone…now you dread; the dead phone ringing ” you” is this your last **** -HELL-O ****
“It’s… It’s… shade on the phone….”
People make me nauseous. Should have been a little more cautious I’m coming up to your room as several different Objects to turn your body inside out and CONVEX.
Ghosts in the shade…
When the stars lit I’m outside your window.
Don’t make me crawl in.
Breaking Trans: I’m having a panic attack stepping’ out the door for more. For what?
My stupid ___ mother___ bulls____ anxiety that is absolutely absurd ___ed me over today…to be worrin’ bout whatever the ****! people think of me when I’m hopping’ buss’s and riding around the city? For what…? Why…? I don’t know why… but its painful !(physically) ….it’s become an issue for me all of a sudden but I do recognize the ins and outs of it! Yeah there gon’ be some people that’ll judge the trans sector of society but we can’t let that stop us from being ourselves… So amidst the panic attacks I step out the door. Maybe not just for me, maybe I step out that door for other trans and genderqueer people or maybe I do it to show myself that anxiety is but an illusion created by a chemical imbalance in my mind.
I don’t know!
Trans people make up 0.03 of the population of the world making us very much a minority yeah thats true but…There are always going to be good and bad days for everyone, not just people with anxiety and not just trans people. Millions of people across the globe fight there own personal demons and nightmares.
But today I broke mine when I stepped out the door.
Breaking anxiety and breaking trans! 🙂
So shout outs to “me” in my red dress and L.A. Fitted Cap.
Lol.
Glad to be home.
Nina
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