Tag Archives: Journaling

About me, Love, My Poetry, Poetry, Writing

The Inner Child by Nina Yin

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In a sense I am lost; feeling childlike in constant exploring of earth and oneself. I am, in a sense found; by my morality with love…and with compassion… I find myself restless in time, for time is complex. The mind cannot comprehend time nor comprehend anything in completeness. The Tao of existence unwordable, incomprehensible…

We are not all knowing beings but the fabric of existence has underlying comfort whether it is productive or not. Even terrible mistakes create great lessons. The child knows love most, your inner child craves it.

Life is complex in a mathematical sense but extremely simple in the aspect of conscious thought.

That being all that we have.

I trust this universe more than I trust myself. I say this in a sense that I do not feel in control, but the rain outside my window… it is bringing life to the earth; as is the sun, moon and the stars. Endless bounded in infinity… ; that is something I can trust. Allowing the universe to take control helps me in meditations and allowing what I cannot change.

Simplicity is bliss and sometimes in my childlike absence of self awareness, like when I draw a picture I am not drawing a picture. If I am absent and I perhaps simply am: the picture.

But as my inner child finishes the creation.

I must return to the grounding incomprehensible earth.

Here I am again.

 

-Nina

Art, Poetry, Writing

A check in with Nina ( About me part 5 )

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So I’ve been  blogging for about two months now, this isn’t my first time trying wordpress but I have never been this dedicated and with this much purpose. As a transgender artist I think my presence as a writer, youtube artist, rapper, graffiti artist and poet speaks volumes on the great changes to myself and other trans individuals across the world. Please join me.

I never in my life would have thought of “putting myself out there” for the world the way I have been doing, especially on my YouTube, especially as a trans girl! Www.YouTube.com/innashademusic. (Please check me out and subscribe). But as I grow older I realize how important self expression and art can really be! That, and conquering your fears. This is very important….Sometimes a samurai has to shed their armor.

I was terrified to transition to a girl full time. But in the end it saved my life and I could not possibly be happier on how it turned out. An outspoken artist I remain and I feel as though my transition is done. I’ve grown so much over the past few years and I just want to share this hope and inspiration with trans people and people in general alike.

I’d like this blog to really grow into something special, my followers have risen and I am ecstatic to get reactions and feedback from my work. We all grow artistically together here on wordpress; unlike facebook I get on WordPress and completely dedicate myself to writing and posting something special for the masses. The closer I can grow to my readers and fellow bloggers the more I’m going to progress.

I am in no way, shape or form a perfect person but they say the lotus flower can only bloom in the mud. As I work on my craft I’d like to thank the people pushing me along; to keep me creating and writing, drawing and filming. I’m going to keep pushing, harder than I ever have before. Perhaps I’ll start sharing more and more personal stories on WordPress because I do have many stories and lessons; a lifetime of struggle and success in its overcoming glory. To share.

Thank you.

– Nina

 

 

 

Anime, My Poetry, Poetry, Stories

Aimless Love – By Nina Yin

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Pondering the wonder; I gaze upon the stars.

When the morning arises

Sit atop the boulder in the meandering river, it ripples so heavenly

Then we hop in the whip. Drive aimlessly

On top of the hills now… and city lights ignite and flicker

My lovers eyes an oceanic blue in perfect harmony with mine

Musical vibrations tantalising my soul while the world simply passes by

Time is in its glory

I’m in an infinite moment, silent and still,

My imagination

My reality

And my love.

About me, My Poetry, Poetry, Writing

The art of finding oneself. – Nina

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More often than not we are told how to live, right?

Take a minute to evaluate.

Starting off in a classroom for years and even decades on end, you sit, sit to learn; Christopher Columbus discovered America and how to find the square route of random numbers. Sigh*

Did human evolution naturally incline us to spend our most important years of growth in a chair? I think not…….

We graduate, we’ve learned how to follow orders and build bridges for our employers… laws of the land; creating barriers physically and financially more and more as life progresses. The idea of a 9-5 and a white picket fence and 3 kids. Even if it is graspable for the lucky few, we struggle to move forward.

“Did you stop, stop to reevaluate the ingrained ideology placed upon you?”.

Individuality is becoming farther and farther less prevalent as we strive to get the same jobs, same cars, computers and apparel… We want to be beautiful or successful financially in essence… bombarding us in advertisements and corporate agenda.

Some say in order to find oneself, one must lose themself; similarly in religions in the aspect of being “reborn,”. Every day we wake up from a subconscious state, back into the conscious reality. Every day is a chance to be reborn.

What I am trying to portray is that “change” is this key. To Lose yourself… be reborn…

It all starts with you. As much as the daily routine brings you comfort it can also be your prison.

Escape it.

Fear not what change may bring unto you.

“Imagine”.

Who you are and where you can be. Erase all fear they have instilled inside your heart.

Be free.

About me, My Poetry, Poetry

Note to self. – Nina

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Don’t feel so down, you are an inspiration

You’ve got a gift with inclinations

Your a beautiful soul with permanent growth

You extend a hand up and always woman or man up

To any situation…

It’s your world beautiful

You can be free anytime, cause freedom is in here

In your heart, depart to anywhere

You love and are loved, that’s a fact

Don’t feel alone when you’re intact and attached to love

Just relax…

 

Poetry, Stories, Writing

About me :) Pt. 5

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I’m 50 days clean and sober which is more than I can honestly say I’ve ever done in any past attempts. When my anxiety gets bad I think how far I’ve come from being homeless just a few months ago to a beautiful apartment in my most desired neighborhood…

I liked to party… or maybe a more serious way to put it, I liked to get Fucked Up… and also self medicated in extremely dangerous mixes of substance and situations, seriously Fucked Up situations I put myself in to do so. I can’t begin to describe how lucky I feel to be alive. Daunting memories and situations I have to try to deal with and leave in the past.

Lucky for me, after um… using random shit for 10 years or more, I never died in my sleep nor physically hurt anyone other than myself as far as I know. I worry so dearly about all the people I grew close to and It’s great to see my close friends in a recovery zone too, we’re all in this together and nothing is easy to do alone.

Art is so important, expression and the act of simple creativity. That’s an addiction I can never, ever… leave behind. Blogging has been a great outlet, something to look forward to when I wake up, read articles and poetry and sharing a little bit of what inspires me and keeps me grounded. I’d say it’s played a positive role in my life, recovery (whatever you want to call it). I don’t think blogging about my experience in the streets is in store anytime soon but I thought it would be a nice note to leave the world that… I’ve been through a lot but, I’m doing better than alright.

Peace n love.

Nina

Hip Hop, My Poetry, Poetry

Untitled – Nina

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Stopped for a moment, your pause awaits response.

I reply simply a clause initially flawed; you gaze in awe.

I have guideline on my timeline refined rhymes that define: I

Raps attached to gun toting n exploding that are of a frozen stat.

Love infinite; dismissed diminishing oblivious differences.

Opposing that.

I break the chains of the vicious cycle malicious carnivorous.

Do you have a moment to change fate? My pen n pad a gateway….

Man-made, stake-claims, fake-gains of “dollar bills”.

You got to.

“main-tain”.

 

Right.

-Nina

 

 

Art, Love, Poetry, Writing

I was about to cry; Then I felt the universe. -Nina

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Sitting alone it’s pitch black before the dawn.

Stars in the sky.

I have had my issues with depression, the weight of the universe making me about to make me cry.

“No Nina,”.

It’s not the weight upon you; causing this sensation…

it is the energy trying to flow through you.

This world is moving and flowing at unimaginable rates and molecular mathematics.

I let the energies of it all flow through me; it takes but a millisecond to feel it.

Like a river.

Flow through my body and take all my pain away.

To literally feel time, space and matter for just that one moment.

Do not fight the flow of the raging river was a Zen tale I always enjoyed, perhaps it applies in all moments.

This flowing universe ; we live amongst the endless stars.

Stop to feel it,

If you need to.

 

-Nina

Buddhism, My Poetry, Poetry, Zen

Zen Poetry: The trouble is. – Nina

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I was fine with the struggle but the trouble is…

“The struggle is,”.
Beautiful the struggle is…
But painful, the words mustering.

It’s said life is suffering.
I attempt to uproot But the trouble is; the suffering.
“Has deep roots “.
I must attempt to uncover this…

Where did all begin? I’m wondering…
The trouble is, wondering the suffering roots is;
“uncomforting…”.

Meditating on uncomforting subjectives, suffering and
All of a sudden I find nothingness*
Even the monk searches by searching “nothingness,”.

The trouble is…