My poison of choice is alcohol. But I have indulged in everything I could get my hands on.
Drinking for many and every reason.
I didnt attend any meetings or have a counsellor of any sort. I rely on my friends and family to talk to when life throws me curveballs and I’m forever thankful for that.
A big part of my sobriety is very simple. I have housing. I am a success story for providing people with addiction and mental health issues affordable housing.
Once I had my housing I was sober in weeks. I had one relapse. But I quickly got back on track and here we are!
Tired for the past couple of days… Not sure why… But I am getting by just fine. As my apartment is spotless and kitchen is full of food. Spending much time browsing online, chatting and digital window shopping… Talking to my friends… Some are doing well and others are not.
Therefor I am thankful for creators… or universes bountiful blessings bestowed upon my life. I think of all I have to be thankful for on more than a daily basis. I do my best to help and create good in the world. Perhaps good karma… Also many people have helped me along the way and sometimes… Its just your turn to help.
I wish there was more I could do but I have many obstacles currently. I have spoken on some of them before. But I have basically chosen sobriety and solitude over everything in life.
Thank you for serenity, bountifulness, sobriety and peace.
I arise feeling wonderful. A large dose of eddibles will do that. I was slingshotted out of state and into a deep sleep. Immediately thinking of those Ive lost along the way this morning. House parties in mansions an escape from the slums and troubled times along with. But that is alright for their memories will always bring me comfort and joy. Knowing we truly lived this life.
Today I will probably escape my agoraphobia and live some more; for that is what is planned. The summer has been good. Counting down the days to 2 years alcohol free. Sober if you don’t count cannibus. What do I want to do today? I do not know. It does not matter. Today will be a good day.
Damn the sun shines bright, The warmth is soothing. Peace… Until the later of the day. But we shall see. Thank god I got AC!
So far this morning Ive been emotional. I am an easily triggered girl lol. I always want to see the best in people but sometimes they make it difficult.
Most of my anxiety stems from self. I actually usually put the entire planet on a pedastal above me for the most part. And for some reason… I am worth nothing. I stay sober… I try to make changes for the better. Im trying to heal and rebuild myself. Strengthen my heart and soul.
Its a work in progress.
Anyway if you’re reading this Im sorry for wasting your time. I do this blog for my own therapy lol
I dont really feel quite myself at the moment as my heart thump thump thumps
Not quite as relaxing
I must somehow enjoy the rest of this beautiful day…
Now what can be dont besides mindless relaxation… Art perhaps? Cleaning? Youve been meaning to clean out the boxes in the entrance closets but THAT REQUIRES GOING OUTSIDE.
And no one wants that.
Lol…
Games? I seem tired of games. Maybe if I pick it up and start playing I will enjoy it. Or maybe not. Maybe I am depressed.
As I sip this coffee. Well… Guzzle this coffee… It does not seem to help the heart slow down. Neither did the ganja either. When will I ever learn…
But I can’t help it. These are my acts of escapism.
I may not be drinking or sniffing lines popping pills but I am still a junkie by all means. What does that mean? It means Im a dopamine fiend. Squeez it to the last drop.
Clouds have finally arrived cooling the air. My new apartment is much hotter than I anticipated it to be already. And theres much more heat to come… I am very curious what this years summer will bring to me… Us… Planet earth.
I have been watching the planet changing for so very long now. I truly hope the world will come together to stop our own self destructive behavior to our own planet…
Anyways…
Everything is copacetic. I have everything I need and I am still clean and sober. I never go hungry… I want for nothing… I have been in my new place for about 5 months now and am very happy I made that decision.
Nearing ever closer to 2 years sober. This blog doesnt get enough attention. Life is good. I have my issues but nothing stops me from finding happiness. Finding so much joy in the little things. It is spring now and I am enjoying the vibe that the sunshine brings. Right now it is 3:30 In the morning as I awake from a dream about Bob Marley…
Today nothing special is planned, but who knows what is to come. But I am thinking I may be a little tired starting my day at this time. I spend most days chilling out. Sometimes visiting my parents, vibing and walking the dog… A little skateboarding… A very simple life…
Sobriety has allowed me to become a connoisseur… A collector… And a safe and secure life… (Probably a little more important lol) I will be celebrating 600 days soon. And god willing 2 years in September. I often daydream of relapsing… But um… So many of my friends have passed. I must continue to be the survivor. I must live on…
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