5:30 AM May 10th 2016
Just waking up from a dream. I dreamt that I was transitioning in high school, and thats all I can really remember about this dream I had. I wonder how that would have gone realistically as I type…I was running to class and sitting down right before I woke up. I guess schools in… The problem with me and my dreams is that I dream so intensely that it feels like I haven’t slept at all most of the time. I know I slept and I feel rested but there was no sense of escaping reality, no sense of pure calm and this is often the case because I dream so much. It’s all good though because I’d rather dream than not; its mystical in a sense. And for that I cherish them and am thankful.
Summertime arrived early in Vancouver and I suppose for many parts of Canada as well with the wildfires burning much earlier and larger than most previous years. I can remember last summer the city was clouded in thick smoke for several weeks and I’m wondering if we can expect the same for this year. My girlfriend told me that Russia is sending over some sort of bomber jet to help battle the fire in Fort McMurray; thanks Russia. The summers constantly arriving earlier and hotter I’m wondering if people will look back in time at our ignorance towards the planet and say that we were truly the most ignorant generation not to deal with this immediately….
I wrote a little bit yesterday about anxiety and being transgender in public which usually isn’t an issue for me. Usually I have a Laissez-faire attitude about what people think of me. My girlfriend and I were talking and we agreed I was incredibly well dressed; in my opinion the best in my life when I was living in the homeless shelter downtown. It felt really good to get dressed everyday and everything was free… My clothes were free and shelter was free, food was free and I was given free clothes and make-up. Living there allowed me to shop for clothes, stay sober and save up money at the same time. Saving up enough money for my first owned vehicle. I really felt taken in by the people and especially the women there and for that I am thankful.
Later, moving into this house I was extremely happy. Being that I was always wanting to live in the borough so I don’t want to leave anytime soon, but have to carefully budget. There isn’t a lot of room for clothes shopping and food shopping comes with a tight budget as well. There isn’t much room for anything really. If I wasn’t such a minimalist I think my life would bug me but I don’t truly need all the clothes in the world or a fancy phone, fuck it I don’t need fancy anything. My phone is so old it has a myspace app on it… lol. The fact that all of my medications, doctors appointments and bloodworks ect* ect* are covered helps being a “minimalist” doable on my budget. Again I am extremely thankful!
Today is just a day to chill I think, Cheers.
Type therapy.
Thank you for reading.
Nina
