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Butterfly….
I’m that butterfly;
I’m that beautiful butterfly.
Pink, purple,
yellow and black.
I’m that butterfly you can’t catch,
just watch in awe.
Fluttering into nothingness.
I’m that butterfly whom rises from earth.
Into the sky; rising rebirth.
-Nina
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Nina
A person described as transgendered or transsexual usually identifies as, and desires to live and be accepted as, a member of the sex opposite to that indicated by his or her body. Thus some individuals have a strong feeling that they are female despite having male genitals or that they are a man despite having a woman’s genitals. Such people often say that they feel they are `in the wrong body’.
Ancient Indian literature contains numerous myths about people who spontaneously changed sex, usually as a result of having desire or sometimes even just admiration, for someone of the same sex. Several such stories are also found in Buddhist sources. The commentary to the Dhammapada (5th century CE?) includes a story about a man named Soreyya who changed into a woman after becoming entranced by a certain monk’s beautiful complexion. Later he married and supposedly bore two children (Dhp-a.324).
The Tipiñaka mentions several different types of transgendered states and individuals Ý the man-like woman (vepurisikà), sexual indistinctness (sambhinna), one with the characteristics of both genders (ubhatovya¤janaka), etc. (Vin.III,129). The existence of transgenderism is taken for granted in Buddhist literature with no moral judgments made about it.
Various theories have been posited to explain transgenderism; that it is a psychological or hormonal disorder or that it has genetic or environmental causes. The Buddhist doctrine of rebirth could help explain transgenderism. A person may be reborn as, say, a woman in numerous successive lives during which time feminine attitudes, desires, traits and dispositions become strongly imprinted on the mind. This would determine that she be continually reborn into a female body or that her consciousness would shape the new embryo into a female form; whatever factors are responsible for the physical characteristic of gender. Then, for either kammic, genetic or other reasons, the person may be reborn into a male body while retaining all the long-established feminine psychological traits.
If this or something like it, is the cause of transgenderism, it would mean that this condition is a natural one rather than a moral perversion as some religions maintain. The Buddha said that traits or dispositions (vàsasà) developed through a succession of lives (abbokiõõanã) may well express themselves in the present life and not be an inner moral fault (dosatara) of anything done now (Ud.28).
Transgenderism has presumably existed in all Buddhist societies as it does everywhere else. However, transgendered people seem to be particularly visible and common in Thailand. The Thai word kathoey is used loosely for effeminate homosexuals, transvestites and particularly for transgendered people. Although such people have a degree of acceptance in Thailand, probably because of the general tolerance encouraged by Buddhism, they still face numerous social and legal difficulties. A jurisdiction in which the Dhamma was genuinely applied would recognize transgendered peoples’ specific needs and allow them to legally change their gender if and when they undergo gender reassignment surgery. –
Article source below.
Sincerely Nina
I happened to open an old journal today… it’s interesting to take a look back at a little over 2 and a half years ago when I had put myself in process to get my hormone replacement therapy. I was extremely exited and optimistic, bubbly jabbering in my journal about how much fun I would have transitioning and making notes on my hair styles and aparell. It took a long time but I finally made the right decision for me. This decision took nearly 9 years. It was amazing, more than amazing ; to get to the hardest cornerstone decision that shaped me to the woman I am today. I was proud of it but, this long wait came with its costs…. this 9 year wait was my nightmare of which I could not awake from and still occasionally reminds me of a deeply rooted pain.
It’s extremely common for transgender youth to know that they are a little different than the rest of the flock but unable to fully express themselves, discover themselves or even acknowledge themselves at all! For years we hide our identity or face mountainous in our way: coming out and transitioning and not being treated with simple equality and fairness in the family home and society as well. For myself I was always anxious about anyone knowing or talking about the fact I had crossdressing tendencies; from panic attacks to the secrets I kept to the the dark and dangerous places in the real and online world where I found comfort.
For some reason homophobic and transphobic jokes and stereotypes are prevalent among youth. So prevalent it is as though it’s embedded so deep into society that you learn to call someone a faggot before you learn to clean your room. This causes an immediate effect on youth preventing growth and acceptance. I remember it starting in early elementary school, and just now starting to fade away in my late twenties. Hearing this language so much as a kid caused me to jump on a hateful bandwagon that would be quick to bash who I have become today, and who I realized I always have been; a proud transgender woman.
“To be or not to be?”. The question I and many other trans folks ask or had been asking themselves for years. “Should I come out? Should I transition?” Or even, “will I even survive this where I am at in my life? “Where do I fit in the gender spectrum?” Circumstances make everyone’s story vary from the one person to the next. For some it’s work or family, financial or relationship, social or morality. I find in most cases that we all have to run, dodge and bite the bullets coming at us on all fronts.
I made up my mind. In November 2014 I began HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)….To fully transion. I kept pushing in life, going to school and working as a woman under the name I had chosen for myself some years ago, “Nina”. Changing daily routines like bathrooms and reminding people of my preferred pronouns and coming across hateful people in and out of my inner circles was a challenge. But a challenge I gladly faced.
If I can give hope to anybody struggling with these issues I must say that it’s been an amazing journey ever since. I was anew, like being reborn it was surely a fresh start. Today I can honestly say it was one, if not the best decision I have ever made. Obstacles come and go but living my truth, my destiny.
…. Priceless.
Nina Vestergaard
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