Pondering the wonder; I gaze upon the stars.
When the morning arises
Sit atop the boulder in the meandering river, it ripples so heavenly
Then we hop in the whip. Drive aimlessly
On top of the hills now… and city lights ignite and flicker
My lovers eyes an oceanic blue in perfect harmony with mine
Musical vibrations tantalising my soul while the world simply passes by
Time is in its glory
I’m in an infinite moment, silent and still,
My imagination
My reality
And my love.
When dreams and reality mix; my mind twist space n time.
Sentences in my mind incomplete and jumbled.
The pain is unbearable and I can’t focus.
The thought train is overwhelming grandiose negative paranoia.
I lose track of myself and memories begin to be erased.
Chase down 3 seconds of comfort; only refuge from this place.
Alone with my screaming demons, what is the reason.
Enhanced senses, feeling too much and too deeply.
Dreading the next breath I’m light headed.
Subconscious embedded schizophrenic essence.
Tears run down my face, my lover can’t help be afraid.
Interlaced emotions continue to confuse, I’ve lost my view.
Distrusting earth, corrupting everything I’ve seen from birth.
There’s nowhere to run or hide. I continue to gun this fight.
I’m a soldier fuck this shit. I’ve done this shit a hundred times.
Switch my mindstate from afraid to irate.
I’m right the world is Fucked Up…
I’d Love to make it better tomorrow just weather this storm.
This isn’t even real, what I feel; it’s chemical sorrow.
What good is a good day without bad ones. I’m attached to this aura.
I’m glad I can come out on top….
I was trapped and caught up….
Strapped to a mattress and shot up…
Nina
I’m 50 days clean and sober which is more than I can honestly say I’ve ever done in any past attempts. When my anxiety gets bad I think how far I’ve come from being homeless just a few months ago to a beautiful apartment in my most desired neighborhood…
I liked to party… or maybe a more serious way to put it, I liked to get Fucked Up… and also self medicated in extremely dangerous mixes of substance and situations, seriously Fucked Up situations I put myself in to do so. I can’t begin to describe how lucky I feel to be alive. Daunting memories and situations I have to try to deal with and leave in the past.
Lucky for me, after um… using random shit for 10 years or more, I never died in my sleep nor physically hurt anyone other than myself as far as I know. I worry so dearly about all the people I grew close to and It’s great to see my close friends in a recovery zone too, we’re all in this together and nothing is easy to do alone.
Art is so important, expression and the act of simple creativity. That’s an addiction I can never, ever… leave behind. Blogging has been a great outlet, something to look forward to when I wake up, read articles and poetry and sharing a little bit of what inspires me and keeps me grounded. I’d say it’s played a positive role in my life, recovery (whatever you want to call it). I don’t think blogging about my experience in the streets is in store anytime soon but I thought it would be a nice note to leave the world that… I’ve been through a lot but, I’m doing better than alright.
Peace n love.
Nina
She looked in that mirror at 13 years old absolutely baffled. It changed everything. “Oh that’s who I am,”. She thought. Eyes wide as the moon shocked in awe. Now I see… A girl is who I am and who I am meant to be.But as most stories go years upon years went by ignoring self in the mirror of time. Dumbfounded by complexities and obstacles to simply finding oneself. She roamed about indulging in indulgence. Schooling in school and working in work. Fulfillment was un-achieved it was simply just work.
Of course there were the slightest attempts to reclaim who she was, where she was going and what she represents. But… Instead of believing in herself she simply listened to others, burying dreams and emotions, tossing them in oceans of acid. Profound sadness eventually madness engulfed her mind absolutely unable to unwind, she left it all…
Luckily for her time allowed the dream so resurface, emerging with profound purpose.
Being you.
I have no problem being myself; it took me a long time to get here. I feel like growing up I tried to be a million different versions of me or some shit, never really taking the time to settle into my own skin and spirituality. Knowing I am going to be working on me, working forever. But being yourself, your going to enjoy it. Enjoy that work.
Time is a crazy concept.
I can’t go back in time and rearrange my mentality or prevent myself from a bipolar diagnosis and frequent panic attacks, I can’t say that smoking that shit is going to fuck up your life. Picking your shit up and moving on is priceless. I have a life of constant change and that’s extremely important. I can adapt like it’s nothing in the face of everything. So this time I’m granted I’m going to try and see it for what it is; what I can do with it. Make something out of it. Lasting forever.
Right now I’m doing me.
I make my own rules and goals, positive and never self destructive. I put down the bottle just to get a grip on my own life. I caught it good this time, really moving forward and exploring sides of myself I used to be afraid of. You got to give yourself props sometimes. I love just being creative and putting myself out, there’s always something to be created, for the world.
It’s important to have someone on your side.
Someone that understands your struggles and loves you, you know? In a non judgemental way, in more of a “here let me help you deal with this,”. Followed by. “Okay good now… You got this”.
It doesn’t have to be your lover but in my case it most definitely is, I used to always feel like my battle was lonesome, no matter what my social and family life was like. I’m lucky, I’ll just say that.
Ending note.
I always say that no one listens to me. I’m full of shit cause one of the people not listening to me is me. Haha*
Or maybe not paying close attention and can’t stay focused. Haha*
So listen to yourself! What is your heart and soul trying to say to “you”; just you and not the world. It all starts within.
—!Nina !!—-
The rain is beautiful. Naturally cleansing in every way; everything it touches, it’s feeding me new life.
Rain calm is the rains song.
The raven sits with me once again.
How should we begin?
I’m euphoric now to hear of its return, I was dismayed until I started to hear it’s song unto the concrete and tin.
Me and my Raven again.
Reblogged on WordPress.com
Source: Morning Glory
Daiju visited the master Baso in China. Baso asked: “What do you seek?”
“Enlightenment,” replied Daiju.
“You have your own treasure house. Why do you search outside?” Baso asked.
Daiju inquired: “Where is my treasure house?”
Baso answered: “What you are asking is your treasure house.”
Daiju was enlightened! Ever after he urged his friends: “Open your own treasure house and use those treasures.”
For a historical perspective on the graffiti of GHOST’s era and GHOST’s personal and artistic evolution, Ket’s book GHOST RIS CREW (published by From Here to Fame) is worth a read.
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