Tag Archives: Love

Poetry, Stories, Transgender, Zen

Myself Pt. 4

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Being you.

I have no problem being myself; it took me a long time to get here. I feel like growing up I tried to be a million different versions of me or some shit, never really taking the time to settle into my own skin and spirituality. Knowing I am going to be working on me, working forever. But being yourself, your going to enjoy it. Enjoy that work.

Time is a crazy concept.

I can’t go back in time and rearrange my mentality or prevent myself from a bipolar diagnosis and frequent panic attacks, I can’t say that smoking that shit is going to fuck up your life. Picking your shit up and moving on is priceless. I have a life of constant change and that’s extremely important. I can adapt like it’s nothing in the face of everything. So this time I’m granted I’m going to try and see it for what it is; what I can do with it. Make something out of it. Lasting forever.

Right now I’m doing me.

I make my own rules and goals, positive and never self destructive. I put down the bottle just to get a grip on my own life. I caught it good this time, really moving forward and exploring sides of myself I used to be afraid of. You got to give yourself props sometimes. I love just being creative and putting myself out, there’s always something to be created, for the world.

It’s important to have someone on your side.

Someone that understands your struggles and loves you, you know? In a non judgemental way, in more of a “here let me help you deal with this,”. Followed by. “Okay good now… You got this”.

It doesn’t have to be your lover but in my case it most definitely is, I used to always feel like my battle was lonesome, no matter what my social and family life was like. I’m lucky, I’ll just say that.

Ending note.

I always say that no one listens to me. I’m full of shit cause one of the people not listening to me is me. Haha*

Or maybe not paying close attention and can’t stay focused. Haha*

So listen to yourself! What is your heart and soul trying to say to “you”; just you and not the world. It all starts within.

—!Nina !!—-

Love, Poetry, Zen

You and I; The intimate twins

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You and I.

Are perfect….

 

Twins

Obserd but sounds good to my soul to hear it, maybe the word fits.

 

 

It can be easily explained but our complexity is vast.

I love you, I don’t want you to worry about anything,

Anything you need, just ask.

 

……

 

 

We grew together, naturally and happily.

My muse, sappilly, I’m enjoying your teasie casually, cheesy sassiness.

 

……

 

Thank the universe for calming morning rainfall.

Peeling us apart is always intensely painful can make me go

awol…

 

…..

 

Nevertheless…

I’m at a place I’ve never attained

so I want this feeling forever engrained.

I was enslaved.

You broke my chains.

 

……

 

Love, spirituality: Growth;

a bond never to be broke.

Love songs.

The highest of note.

 

……

 

I want us to be infinitely intimate;

My twin,

my lover

and my biggest gift.

 

 

To L.C.

Love Nina

 

 

Art, Buddhism, Love, Poetry, Zen

Masterpiece and Spontaneity. A zen story.

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Masterpiece

A master calligrapher was writing some characters onto a piece of paper. One of his especially perceptive students was watching him. When the calligrapher was finished, he asked for the student’s opinion – who immediately told him that it wasn’t any good. The master tried again, but the student criticized the work again.

Over and over, the calligrapher carefully redrew the same characters, and each time the student rejected it. Finally, when the student had turned his attention away to something else and wasn’t watching, the master seized the opportunity to quickly dash off the characters. “There! How’s that?,” he asked the student. The student turned to look. “THAT…. is a masterpiece!” he exclaimed.

Meanings: “Originality is what makes each of us a masterpiece. Don’t stick to the same old way of doing things.”

“Stop thinking and just do what’s natural for you, instead of what’s expected. Some of our best work is done when we least expect it.”

“You can’t perform perfectly under the watch of critical eyes. When you don’t force perfection, it happens by itself, spontaneously. Great things happen when you least suspect it.”

“Whenever you watch over someone you make them self-conscious and uncreative. It’s like trying to teach a child. If you let them alone they will usually figure it out themselves and it will be great.” – See

About me, Transgender, Writing

Myself : Part. 1 *

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I’m going to attempt to write more about myself,

my life.

Part 1.

      I was always different for sure. Too much too handle for pretty much anyone I grew up with, became friends with or had relationships with. I was kicked out of home at a young age, bipolar disorder and an addictive personality: constantly lit or trying to get high or drugged out and party…being homeless and running the streets with kid gangs basically. Doing petty crimes and shit it was stupid. I’ve changed a lot.

Being transgender only started to blossom when I turned 18, living in a crack shack that the government called a “group home”. Starting to dress how I wanted to …I liked getting drunk, a lot. I’ve always had hobbies and passions but mixing em up with drugs and alcohol was deemed necessary on a daily basis. I also thought drinking was giving me the courage to dress how I wanted.

I’ve been in a few abusive relationships, somehow managing to graduate college and various courses that peaked my interest. When I worked construction it was like selling my feminine soul and I hated myself for it for over 7 years. But nevertheless at 25 I started hormones and transitioned into myself; female full time. I have zero regrets. I have no doubt in my mind of who I am and the choice I made was right.

Since I transitioned Ive had several jobs, schools and was never really targeted for being a trans woman. But I had been partying for a living… for a year…the drugs twisted my mind. I met my girlfriend online, she helped me get out of the trap. She encourages me to peruse any art, job or school I like and I’m happy. Sober. In Love. I can’t get enough and it’s like I’m comfortable for the first time you know?

I’m good.

Dedicated to my girl.

Love Nina

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