Its morning again. Melancholy mood. Nujabes plays peacefully in the background. I cleaned up a little bit and had breakfast. But my mind races and wanders and races and wanders. I always feel like I should be doing something more. More for me and more for the world. But I sit here unsure of what that is. I don’t know what the day may bring. Week may bring. Months may bring and the years fly by in glorious mathematical blinks of an eye. Funny how a simple blip / second of a moment can feel so long in that retrospect.

As I write this it’s just a conversation with myself, just a mirror staring back at me in infinity. Do I want to stare into an infinite moment of melancholy? Do I want to move on in some sort of dynamic jump out of my normal day to day life? I thought I was a minimalist. I thought that I liked being alone. I thought I liked simplicity and just simply being in a moment for whatever that moment is. But maybe I don’t. Maybe my whole life is quite the opposite. A constant craving for fleeting escape from the dull normality’s of… whatever. Craving a great escape.

I make sacrifices and deals and decisions and commitments and plans but have I really. I mean really. Given the importance of my life and what I do with it major thought? I thought I had! But in reality I pretty much feel invisible. My struggle and my achievements and pain is invisible and my gifts I bring to the world invisible as well. As we all continue on our day to day endeavours of eat sleep repeat; where was our revolution? Our against the grain mentality of force-feeding truth and not the comforting lies.

We see each other grow. We watch as flowers bloom or wither away from the weathering of mankind’s poisonous corruptive abilities. Death is inevitable and I am not afraid to die. I’m just afraid to waste my time; I’m afraid to hide my feelings and I’m afraid to see my people, our people, and all people suffer. As I write this I suffer, yet I bloom as a tear rolls down my cheek…

-Nina