Transitioning. Male to female. -Nina

Touching on the subject. Going male to female….

Although I had been dressing as a female in public for many years, and living as a woman on and off. For relationship reasons sigh… : For one year I had attempted to be completely male, bad mistake. “Now” Realizing how far from the real me I had been “acting”. I  got into a treatment program and started hormones with almost a completely shaved head, YIKES. I had been working construction heavily and was extremely muscular, you can see in this video: A male version of me. Right before Hormone Replacement Therapy.

I was extremely sceptical if I could find my way back to my feminine self. I was and always am faced with little bits of discrimination here and there, It made me anxious but I knew I had to try or I would regret it for the rest of my life. Slowly but surely my hair grew long, my muscles in my arms started to vanish and my breasts grew larger and larger by the months. Men and women alike all of a sudden wanted something from me… my old friends and even married ex girlfriends wanted to sleep with me. Nevertheless I was happier my transition was working well.

After about 2 years I started to feel complete, luckily for me and unlike a few of my trans girl friends surgery or any procedure for that matter wasn’t anything I wanted or needed. I had slight self confidence issues and still had a few things to learn about the confidence and grace a beautiful woman such as myself and should be able to portray. The internet leads to ugly places most of the time but…I had met the love of my life… With a little help from my girlfriend I dressed less conservative, far more sexy in public. It was extremely liberating and a huge growth for me.

A video of me now! 🙂 – Butterfly*** Subscribe to my channel if you’d like.

Me today: not the flashiest of pictures but to me it’s just an example.

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Today I’m able to dress however I want to, go to whatever bathroom, I’m treated how I’d like for the most part and I have zero regrets. Luckily for me I had basic supporters; my friends and family, this is almost impossible to do alone. My health care covers all my medication “Ohhh Canadaaaaa.”, and thrift stores provide me with clothes I can actually afford; progressing my style and confidence.

That’s basically how the shit went in a nutshell. Of course I gave up a few ignorant people along the way but I think that that’s great that they can fuck off! Fuck right off lol.

Peace n blessings.

Nina

 

Flowers in the City – My current art project.

 

These are all stickers. “Slaps” I bought them from the dollar store, people find graffiti to symbolize violence but I’d like to present my works to the streets, “Flowers in the City”.

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A check in with Nina ( About me part 5 )

So I’ve been  blogging for about two months now, this isn’t my first time trying wordpress but I have never been this dedicated and with this much purpose. As a transgender artist I think my presence as a writer, youtube artist, rapper, graffiti artist and poet speaks volumes on the great changes to myself and other trans individuals across the world. Please join me.

I never in my life would have thought of “putting myself out there” for the world the way I have been doing, especially on my YouTube, especially as a trans girl! Www.YouTube.com/innashademusic. (Please check me out and subscribe). But as I grow older I realize how important self expression and art can really be! That, and conquering your fears. This is very important….Sometimes a samurai has to shed their armor.

I was terrified to transition to a girl full time. But in the end it saved my life and I could not possibly be happier on how it turned out. An outspoken artist I remain and I feel as though my transition is done. I’ve grown so much over the past few years and I just want to share this hope and inspiration with trans people and people in general alike.

I’d like this blog to really grow into something special, my followers have risen and I am ecstatic to get reactions and feedback from my work. We all grow artistically together here on wordpress; unlike facebook I get on WordPress and completely dedicate myself to writing and posting something special for the masses. The closer I can grow to my readers and fellow bloggers the more I’m going to progress.

I am in no way, shape or form a perfect person but they say the lotus flower can only bloom in the mud. As I work on my craft I’d like to thank the people pushing me along; to keep me creating and writing, drawing and filming. I’m going to keep pushing, harder than I ever have before. Perhaps I’ll start sharing more and more personal stories on WordPress because I do have many stories and lessons; a lifetime of struggle and success in its overcoming glory. To share.

Thank you.

– Nina

 

 

 

The toy box in my bedroom. A short story. – Nina

Once upon a time, perhaps in another dimension of sorts. Or perhaps an altered reality ( a parallel to the norm which had been departed ). There was a world… it was a dark world like our own although the visions and communications to the mind lay shrouded in an unknown; as to wake up drunk in an amusement park in an abandoned ghost town. All those who enter this realm are intoxicated… euphoric… Or confused.

In this place the laws of physics are often bent, finding oneself transporting from one place to the next. Perhaps flying over the maps of which the reality created unto itself. It is itself; a living and growing place. It’s a place you’ve never been, but you have, faces you’ve never seen but it’s as though a permanent dejavu. Traveling along to its ominous melody.

I find myself in this place often. I climb under the barbed wire and war torn trenches just to see how deep this rabbit hole goes, the blood and destroyed homes visions of viciously broken families. Different tribes that dwell in this place and different spirits.

I’ve seen myself touched by the souls of the dead, although strangling me and taking my breath… killing me, I and only I entrusted with Devine powers to to speak amongst the spiritual realm…and flying across an infinite ocean. I wish I could go back to those times in this place.

This is a violent place, mostly deserted  I have been killed, I’ve killed, had sex many times. I’ve been killed many times in this place and seen life simply placed back into my chest. Leaving me unsure if death is real. There is no contemplation here, too much fog for one to adress mathematics once arrived.

I found myself in horrific post war slums, a child with no parents… There was a mattress and toy box. I’m around 5 years old. As the box opens…I’m not sure exactly what these toys, these memories, they see me, they all see me. You see it was me in the the box. Everything I’ve ever known. In this box. In this place.

When one finds themselves in this place… it can be dangerous. To see light amidst the fog, is… blinding enlightenment, a simple light; it’s as though the heart you use in this place stops beating but… There is no heart. You are always …Gone or missing… One thing is for sure, you are very much: alone.

Of course there is a way out, isn’t there? I think as you are reading this you might be beginning to understand. The subconscious; the infinite abstract of emptiness in form. Not simply the universe seeing itself. Not simply an imaginary delusion of grandiose proportion. That little voice sketched in your head… that lingering feeling in the back of your mind….

Nina… it’s time to wake up…